A gentleman never asks, a lady never tells, so I'm not saying how old I'm turning or what day my birthday is, only that it's this week and the Birdy is going to try and take it easy! I emphasize the word try because I never fully take as much time off as I'd like. April is a busy month, regardless of when one is born, and there's always work/life-stuff needing to be done. That being said, this is the extent of my post this week -- I'm celebrating Myself, indulging in some extra time for Me, and sometimes that's the best gift one can receive! See you next week when I'm older, and very possibly wiser!
 
Jaunty Fine Print: Image by Denise Sakaki

We're taught from a young age that "no" is something rude or negative. But I'd like to suggest something totally crazy and say it's probably the best thing that you can ever do for yourself. This blog promises Jaunty things, which covers a thankfully wide spectrum, from personal style, to art, to what makes a person happy, but at the root of all those nebulous posts is that it's all about choice. We choose our happiness. We make a decision over what we feel is best for us. But sometimes those choices are driven by too many good intentions and we all know what road that leads us to. 

I had several different conversations with friends recently and the topic of being overly accommodating to others came up. Everyone said the same thing: they wished they could say no, but they felt cornered into saying yes. And boom, before you know it, someone's committed to a day of screaming children at a popular toy store, someone's making five hundred cupcakes for a party of strangers -- insert your Doh! moment here. It's a false courtesy, and more times than not, we feel obligated to say yes than the dreaded no. Everyone does it and no one wants to admit how tiring it can be because it's not like you're shoveling coal. We should be happy to do this stuff, right? It's good to help babysit, or run an errand for someone, to promise to be at an event or do something for a function -- we do this every day and it's the good and right thing to do, as long as we're in the right frame of mind, with the energy to actually accomplish what was promised. But we're never fortunate to be in a situation where we can focus on a single thing at a time. There's always something else going on in our own lives, it makes for added noise, but the part of you that learned to not say no inevitably says yes, and then you wonder why you're falling asleep at the computerrr.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - snort - WHAAAAH??

I know for myself, I'm trying to cut back on things this year. Say no to assignments that aren't worth the trouble. Try not to work so much that you forget when it was the last time you had a full night's sleep. Those are the obvious ones to Just Say No to, but the hidden pitfalls are the things that you actually want to do. It sounds crazy, refusing something you genuinely want, but that is an ocean of agreements that inevitably drowns us. Too many promises that a single person can't possibly keep, or the temptation of fun is just too great and you wear yourself out and get yourself sick -- that was me over the holidays. Being sick on Christmas was a reminder of when to step away from everyone else's needs and just focus on your own, so you don't wind up with something stupid like walking pneumonia. Unacceptable. It's a strange and selfish-sounding resolution, to fully embrace the Power of No, but when you think about it, Yes is the gift of time we give to others, but No can be the gift we ultimately give to ourselves, if it means we're putting our health and sanity first. So let us celebrate the luxury of saying "No" more often -- it's surprisingly liberating.  


Jaunty Fine Print: Graphic by Denise Sakaki

Twenty minutes, every day, for something positive or inspiring. It doesn't seem so hard, and we could all spare a few minutes a day to feed our minds with something meaningful. So why not commit to learning a little something new every day? And that doesn't have to be memorizing the last ten years' of Nobel winners. The Birdy usually wakes up a little extra early to read emails and just browse for a few minutes every morning. I like seeing the latest room renovations on Apartment Therapy. I surf through the crafty DIY ideas on Curbly. I sit in an envious daze after seeing both these sites, bewildered how anyone's home can look that put-together. And I often peruse the latest news on Good, or what speakers have been posted on TED. Lately, that's been my news; the typical sources are so obsessed with ways to make us anxious. War, a flip-flopping stock market, maybe a killer asteroid has us in its sights in the next millenia. Whatever. I know the current situation of human affairs, what more can we do to changing things for the better, or helping spread awareness? 

I thought of this conscious effort to "Take Twenty" when a friend shared a 20-plus minute video of human rights lawyer and founder/executive director of the Equal Justice Initiative, Bryan Stevenson, giving a talk at TED, about the imbalance within America's justice system. He brings up valid points about how race and poverty cast a shadow over how we view criminals, even to the point where we are willing to let 13 year olds be sentenced as adults, entering a prison system that will irrevocably change the course of that young life. I know, heavy stuff. But Bryan Stevenson is an amazing speaker; he tells hard truths with charm, humor and amazingly enough, a sense of hope, that despite the odds, there are no lost souls, nor are there lost causes. He brings up an important point, that for any change to happen, it has to start with an idea, a revelation of one's identity. The words of this speech carried with me for days. It's with me, still, and I find his words being a lens that I now put ideas through, gaining new perspective with a reminder for compassion. All this, for less than a lunch break. So here's your chance to start -- watch Bryan Stevenson speak. Get inspired. Find new things to excite your brain, be creative, or evoke a desire to get behind a cause.




Jaunty Fine Print: graphic by Denise Sakaki, video from TED

The best gift we can give ourselves is so simple: time. It's repeated in magazines and self-help books, but we ignore the value of this unit of personal space that we always appreciate when we're on vacation, but so rarely gift it to ourselves in our everyday schedule. Being on vacation not long ago, I was reminded of this. Just being away from your own home, from its daily to-do's and errands, makes a world of difference, even if you're spending your time off doing mundane things like reading the paper or taking the time to watch the sun set.

So how do we make this mental health break happen at home? This Birdy is the first to admit that she's the last to sit idle, so there needs to be something to do, even if it's for personal time. And so one day, I gave myself the personal J'adore-worthy gift of a Mental Half-Day of Beauty. Just a half-day, not a whole one -- it gives just enough time to check the morning emails and messages to make sure nothing's pressing for the afternoon, it's best to do this on a Friday since most people are apt to take off early anyways, and it leaves you with the afternoon to not have the worry of work on your mind while you relax. At-home beauty treatments are nice because there are no appointments to make, and frankly, it's wallet-friendly. Not that spa treatments aren't worth it, just save it for when you're really in need of a deep-tissue massage treat. My half-day of pampering included root touch-ups, a detoxifying mask treatment and the always-necessary taming of the brows. Pluck-pluck-ouch! None of this is particularly full of glamour, but let's be honest -- it's all necessary upkeep. But you feel refreshed afterwards. Skin feels a little more balanced, pores a little smaller. Hair on the head looks less rooty and hair on the face looks a bit more manicured.

Little things, small indulgences, but all things that require time that we so rarely give ourselves. So why not spare a half day for the little things? The time spent waiting for hair dye to soak in, or a mask to fully set, is just enough time to page through a magazine that's been sitting unread for weeks. Or watch the latest episode of 30 Rock. It's the exact amount of time for you to be reminded how good of an idea it is.  

Jaunty Fine Print: drawings by Denise Sakaki